Thursday, August 30, 2007

Social Regression with a Smile!

"Holla atchya boy!"

Um...haven't we spent the last, oh I don't know, 400 years or so trying to get away from someone hollering at us calling us 'boy'? Have we progressed so much that we're right back wearing chains?

Sho 'nuff.

Except this time our chains are slave-made and help fuel wars. At least they bling.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Sometimes Will Smith Feels Like A Motherless Child

Oh my god.

I just realized something that has plagued my dreams and horrified me in my waking hours:

Will Smith's mommy doesn't love him!

If you recall the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, his mother's words were 'You're moving with your uncle and auntie in Bel-Air!' And for the entire run of the series, that is all you heard of her!

Nope. Wait

That 's not quite true.

Still, even when Aunt Vivian had her sisters over with the sistren call of 'Diiivas!" whenever they'd congregate for late night cake it the kitchen and banter, we never really did see Will & Mommy bond-or even have a scene together, no?

I can't recall.

Will someone please give me closure! Angelica?

Friday, August 17, 2007

You’re a Shade or Two Darker Than Paper-bag Brown

But you cheer the white man beating the native or brother down.

'It's okay cuz he's the good guy!' the film's programmed into your protests

They got your vote in this million-dollar ho fest

But you know something's wrong, you can feel it in your chest

What a mess

Tight, burning pumping and it won't go away

Until he saves the day and walks away with the girl and gets paid

By you and you and me uh yeah didn't you know?

On to the next blockbuster son, buy your over-priced popcorn, chocolate, candy and let's go!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Tchaikovsky was a Fag

but don't tell anybody. Too bad the great Russian composer wasn't alive during the Classical period when Mozart was kickin' it. Back then, about 100 years before Tchaikovsky was born-we're talking early-1700s men wore powdered wigs, flossed lace and gloves, sported hankies twirled their wrists, bowed an awful lot, wore tights and make up and acted flamboyant.

In other words nigguhs was gay.

But Lawd forbid that you actually WERE gay, then they'd burn you at the stake. At least Tchaikovsky would have had an outlet.

Monday, August 06, 2007


High are the stakes
Y'all block stalkin'
Bling' rockin
Struggle-mockin' fakes
Chicken and watermelonin' your soul for papes
For future's sake
Yo' monkey-ass behaving' s the new blackface

Price: A community centre-worth of gold to the grill
With 1000s of hours of slavemine ice
To the hole you can't fill

Y'all blingnoosers makin' hip hop the new vaudeville

Fuck Episodes I, II & III

Are the true clone army
And it's plain to see
Flossin caps but ain't none y'all play baseball

Go figure
Check out
Just about
Any movie
They'll bleep out motherfucker and shit but not nigger

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Crazy's the New Hawt

Times are changin', so much so that looking crazy's in fashion.

You can't tell the crazy people from the not crazy people anymore.

If you'll remember your ancient history, like y'know, back before American Apparel, when bed head, over-sized sweatshirts, leotards and cowboy boots were the exclusive province of crackheads?

Couple that with the advent of cellphone earpieces(CE) and you can no longer tell the difference.

Back in pre-AA and CE you could easily identify a crackhead; Dressed in ridiculous 80s leftovers, they had that perennial just-woke-up look and talked, even argued to themselves.

Post AA/CP? Your average white girl's got messy hair an over-sized sweater, leotards cowboy boots, and talk to themselves.

If crazy's the new 'hawt' schizophrenia can't be too far behind.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Lucky Penny: 1986


Elementary dear Watson Elementary

Grade 6.

Woodland in Verdumb, Montreal. Mr. Bolsius with his 'Jesus Christ' sandals and spit foaming at the sides of his mouth. Him taping a line across the floor in front of my desk. 'Don't cross it' because I was so hyper. Of course as soon as he laid that tape down my duty was to inch the two front legs past it.