Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Fetish & Bondage

Black people and white people have totally different views on bondage.

You put one group in blindfolds and chain them to a wall? It's an exciting playtime session! For the other it reminds them of a soul-scarring culture-destroying phenomenon.

You put a bunch of white folks in chains and blindfolds and chokers on a boat and whip 'em it's a kinky fetish weekend foray into the unknown pleasures of the soul!

You put bunch of black folk in chains and blindfolds and chokers? On a boat? And whip 'em? It takes them back to a soul-scarring culture-destroying phenomenon. A traumatic event in history that will be held over white people's heads for generations to come.

Y'all white people comfortable enough to laugh? I know why you're really laughing.

‘It's good being on the winning team.’

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I Want Margaret Cho in my butt

I want Margaret Cho to do me in the butt. And I’m not even
into that shit. My ass was made for exits only. But the day I meet her I'll be like ‘Oh god Pleez!!!’

I don't even know why. Maybe it’s cuz girls generally aren’t that funny.
Shut up.
Y’all know it’s true.
Girls tell me this shit, smart girls too.
And all y’all soft hearted guys that are like ‘That’s not true at all’
Shut the fuck up.
You just laffin at they stale jokes cuz you wanna get into their pants. Funny girls rare, like female guitar legends. But Margaret Cho turns me the fuck on. I think it’s because she’s clever. Clever girls get me harder than calculus.

And she’s raunchyyyy . … She so raunchy when you try to wash her mouth out with soap the soap’s like,
‘I’ve been in ases, but I ain’t goin in there.’
She ain’t shy with that shit. And she's got a huge gay following. And y’all know what that means…
She's set for life.
Cher & Madonna too, cuz when you got gay fans, you belong to them. Even when you start to suck, cuz they be.:
‘Girlfriend’ll come around…I said girlfriend will come around.’

They love you like no other group of folk.
Ooh I can’t talk about it,
‘You can’t say that shit!’
Sometimes I wish I was everything under the sun, that way I could say anything.
Just not in Texas.
If I was a gay black vegan democrat recylepath in a wheelchair livin in Texas I’d be fuct!
But y’all see in the pride parade these buff gay motherfuckers, or should I say fatherfuckers. That'd be a blow to the fragile homophobe ego: to get yo ass beat by a buff gay nigguh wouldn't it?
Doubly so if you’r e racist. what're you gonna tell yo boys?
I used to rave alot and there was always a drag queen in the mix. You stoned on all sortsa drugs goin,
‘Damn dat girl's awfully muscular, oh hold on...whew, that was close!’

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Real Life Ain't Shit!

Real life can be so boring. You get up, go to work, miss the bus, take a taxi, get shit on by the boss for being late. Shit in the boss’s coffee when he’s out to the office, boring stuff. I get bitten by morbid boredom. I'm constantly walking down the street imagining shit happening, to the point where I just wanna backhand somebody.
You ever just wanna smack the shit outta someone?
I mean a complete stranger, just to see what’ll happen?
I mean a full-on swing around bitch slap. With the sound of the swing cranked up to ten and a lapel mic clipped to your hand so when you clap a muthafucka (or fathafucka) across the face-In slow motion too-like wooooosh-pishhhh!
You get to work that cool ninja pose for a few seconds before the cops come.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Racism 2006!!

So I get on an elevator and this white woman switches her purse over to the other side.
Bitch I'm big thick black man!
I bust locks with my cock!
I eat cops!
What makes you think switchin your shit to other side's gonna stop a nigguh? That just makes me wanna stuff my hand in one ear and out the other, grab your purse and...(Tugging purse but it’s stuck inside her head)
(I pull my hand out and wipe it off on my leg.)
Purseface. I'll shove my hand in yo mouth and throw you down the stairs...

It's 2006 What the fuck is racism still doin here?
Racism’s like dat nigguh dat happens to pop by during dinner, stays for a movie then says:
'Can I crash on your couch?'
Naw you can't I crash on my couch!
It’s still at the shop getting re-upholstered cuz I couldn’t wash out the stank from yo funky ass.
Blue Nuit watchin muthafucka.
2006 and racism’s still in the house!
Even cleasning products are racist! Apartied nigguhs. If your ever bother reading the instructions guys-I know YOU don’t-they’ll say stupid racist shit like, don’t mix with other cleaning agents.

And you guys know what I’m taklin about, you need the cleaning power of the gods to scour away the months of party gunk clutching your floors, the filth-burst colonies around your light switches, the dark lands of Mordor around knobs and door frames n’ shit.

So you try mixing powders and liquds and the liquid be like:

‘Nuh uh, I ain’t getting with DAT nigguh, he ain’t anti-bacterial.’

I be mixin shit like the Wicked Witch of the West on crack and still, islands of powder be floatin in the shit. I pour the shit into a blender (vvvvvvvt!) And the powder be up against the glass like brothers when they hear sirens.
Fuck it, lemme just mix liquid and liquid.
One’s blue the other’s yellow, I pour one into the other they start bubblin, the bucket starts crackin. Two seconds later the yellow liquid put the blue liquid at the bottom of the bucket like a nigguh on the back of the bus,

But yellow and blue make green!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Screw Myspace

Yes yes, not exactly an original concept, but your perspective really changes when your friend's page is deleted with no real reason why. Just a form letter with vague details. No specifics and no chance to reinstate your page. My firneds are appealing, but will Myspace-I mean Murdoch really care?

Sure it's fun, but at what cost? They're making loads of cash off of us. Yes granted it's a great networking tool, but honestly what isn't these days?
What can one really get out of Myspace over any other network?

We need something fresh, something new, something that won't bend you over for these 'friends' that are companies offering to sell you culture...

Teh battle continues...

Monday, June 12, 2006

How many of my fellow bloggers are procrastin8rs?

Oh yeah, you know the type,

The guy getting dressed as he's running for his bus. The kid doing his homwork on the metro. That girl applying make up-with hilarious results-on the bus.

this is the society of 'push that back'
'Don't pay til 2010!'

'I'll do it tomorrow.'

Tomorrow may nevedr come.

You ever have a robot call your house?
A robot with your name in its mouth.

You've gone far, far beyond people calling you anymore on those late credit card payments. Next they'll send one to your house...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Montreal is the new London

Jesus cocksucking Christ!

We're making London look like the Sahara!

I'm keepin an eye out for a big ass boat and twos of everything..

Thursday, June 08, 2006

You eva take a shit and...

You be puttin all sortsa work in, droppin some satisfyin business, only to get up and see that the gawtdamn bowl's empty?

It's like yo' shit's so dense it just sank to the bottom of the sewer and knocked a croc out. His friends be swimmin' by:

'Yo, wussup with Lockjaw?'

'...Damn, look like a nigguh been eatin alotta fibre...'

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Freecam Bitches

Hey! Is it me or are all you guys on Myspace getting deluged by these attention-starved tarts who have cams in their rooms and need to be told how hot they are cuz the lights are kinda low upstairs. What the fuck, I get one almost every day, If I want pussy I'll call your mom, at least she's not hounding me for approval

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The beast within

Strip away all the technology, all the convenience, all the civilized comforts of the modern day, washed away by the violence of nature. Leave us to fend for ourselves without a can opener or a microwave or a cellphone and who are we? What are we? What will the thin veneer of the modern day reveal once its stripped by a catastorphe like Katrina? Will we be human or barbarian? The answer may surprise you

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Are we in a war-torn ccountry? No? Then shut up.

Be thankful you HAVE traffic to be stuck in.
Be thankful you HAVE a house that's messy
Be thankful you HAVE an overpriced supermarket
Be thankful you HAVE shopping malls and parks
Be thankful it's raining water and not bombs

Don't you complain you top 10%-of-the-free-world-freeloader.

Are we in a war-torn country? No? Then shut up.