Thursday, July 27, 2006

Hi, I'm Bryan Warner and I have a Brain Tumor Cuz I Repost Stupid Shit on Myspace


Are you serious?

No organization is gonna track reposts or emails to donate money to some ficticious kid who's got ficticious cancer or a ficticious brain tumor.

Does this make ANY fuckin sense?

How in the FUCK is Make A Wish Foundation suppose to track this and seriously, so you think they

A) Know about this

B) would even care?

How does this help them? Reposting this will do nothing but spread yet another stupid internet thing

C) Bryan Warner is Marilyn Manson's real name ;p

Monday, July 24, 2006


What the Hell?


What were the people @Disney thinking when they came up with that one?

He bounces around and smiles an awful lot. Talks a whole bunch of gibberish.

Coulda been worse.

They coulda named him Teegro.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Work from home! Make millions! And best of all, it's easy!

Seriously though, does anyone really know anybody who works from home doing paid surveys, data entry, assembling products or stuffing envelopes? Can you really make decent coin off that stuff? Wouldn't there be someone in your circle of friends who couldn't stop talking about it; rockin the bling and pushing a Lexus? Inquiring minds wanna know what the fudapuk is up.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

By the way, shut up

When you rise in the morning you still have a roof?
A fridge full of food?
A computer to read this on?

Shut up.

Got traffic to complain about?
Rent to pay? Line ups at the supermarket?

Shut up.

Late for work?
Legs to walk on?
A street with no tank on it?

Shut up.

Are people running for their lives?
Is there an army waging war on your city?
Are you being bombed?

Then shut up.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Just once...

I'd like to see Indiana Jones miss with his whip

Friday, July 14, 2006

Sony Ad Racist?

Check out the seriers of ads here:

People who don't realize what this is are truly living examples of how stupid society has become.

There are several elements to this ad to be addressed.

The concept of the ad is cool, but because of the HISTORY involved with whites
dominating blacks, it makes the ad seem racist. And that's the whole point.
It's obviously doing its job: creating a buzz, getting people to talk. Nothing
but a racey ad will get people to actually take time to compose thoughtful blogs about this, spark debate and communication, (something the ad agency they hired
will claim was their point) this is the kinda ad that exposes the all idiots who haven't a
clue about what racism is, but THINK they do.

Sony can apologize for running the ad all they want, they couldn't care less.
You think this will hurt sales? The profits from this 'controversy' and attention this has caused will far outstretch the money they'll lose form people boycotting their products. What, you think they didn't do some number crunching? That their
marketing team was that stupid? Ninja, please.

The apology and pulling the ad is all a part of it. Then social groups and
activists will congratulate them on admitting that they did wrong not realizing
that it was all part of the plan.

Congratulations on a scam well done Sony.

It's the a$$holes who always get the last laugh.

PS: There are three parts to this ad as far as I know. One is on equal ground
(and if that would ghave been the ad there would be no-or little-'controversy')
the second is of the white model grabbing the black nmodel's aface, theird is
the black model over her as if she threw the white model (still clutching her face) to the ground) this is the first time I've seen the series of adverts together.
It's actually @#!!*&^%$ hilarious. Take the history away and look at it as the colurs-not the people-battling it out and it's just visually stunning.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Roof running ain't just for superheroes anymore

Ever hear of Pakour, the art of urban gymnastics? If so, yes, it's old news, but it's something I've always thought about. Reading comix in my earlier years, there were always characters that ran the roofs, swung on poles, navigated the urban jungles like acrobats.

Walking down the streets of Montreal, I envision myself scrambling up a wall. Jackie Chan is a favourite. Creative physical problem-solving, physics and real-time application. Pushing the envelope. No helmets, kneepads or safety nets. Mastering the art of movement. Quickly. Dangerous yes, but jolly good fun.

And it was bound to happen. It's primal. The further we push ourselves into the future with technology and advancements, the more our raw instincts want to escape and run amok. Look at skateboarders. Carefully. Between stunts they're loose, relaxed, almost monkey. We need that fix; using the physical to conquer our environment. Master our surroundings to reach the peak of physical ability. We have a deep-seated urge to know that our bodies are exquisite machines of flesh and blood and bone and goosebump-covered skin. Sexy as fuck.

Parkour girls holla.

Fuck the gym, Ima hit the roofs...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Two heads are better than one...or not

There is a delicate balance we need to achieve.
All men must face it: we are two-headed demons.

Two heads.

One thinks the other stinks.

Both have the power to control us. Both get us into trouble. Both have power over the other. There doesn't always seem to be enough blood for them to share. Both think they're the boss and that's when problems....ahem...arise.

Ah if only we were fitted with a gauge we could manually control.

Or at least set on semi-automatic.

It's set on auto by default and takes years of training to create a csystem of control. Some of us need books. Problem is, if that gauge is still under construction, having technical difficulties or just not programmed properly and there happens to be some fine bootay in the room, the loss of blood diverted to the other head can render the gauge practically useless.

Not enough blood for both heads to work together.

Then of course when the second head has the lionshare but there's juuuust enough left in the head proper to start going off on pointless tangents, it tends to require a bloodrive. The second head's at a loss and it's game oper boys and girls!

okay, just the girls.

So give generously at the next blood drive, for the next (sex) life you save may be your own.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Carabana in Montreal

First off,


I didn't go. But My brother & I figured we could catch the continuing festivities @ Parc Jean Drapeau.

Not so.

Oh there were people there, problem was there wasn't a free outdoor party with barbecue and ting. It was a stage show you had to pay (10 bux!) tt get in to. 5 bux woulda had me and the other 300 or so kids hanging around the entrance, so my bro and I split, but not before getting an eyeful.. so many colours! So many thick firm legs

So much blaDANG!!!

Too much plaPOW!

You can almost hear teir tops straining. One burst of wind from my mouth at close range and any given top would have exploded and darted away like a baloon spewing air.

Oh and physicists take note: the laws of gravity do not apply to black women on Carabana. I suggest y'all bring a notepad and pen next year to rewrite your theories.

Now I'm not one to look up a lady's PlaPOW!!!! in short shorts when she's a few steps above me on the escalator but once a year I lose it. I made that delicious mistake and saw girlfriend's dental work.

Mmm mm MMM!

So next year I'm in the streets at Carabana, and my pants will be very loose...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Punk-ass parents

"Yeah you. If you smoke in front of your kid you're a PUNK.

'Oh, but we're outside, so it's okay'.

Yes, truer words have never been spoken.


There's no excuse. Greeeeeeat role model, Do-As-I-Say-and Not-What-I-do Messiah. Like your kid will respect you. That's like telling your kid not to hit his little sister, but you'll smack him if he gets out of line. Your child shouldn't even KNOW you smoke until they're grown up and out the fatherfuckin' house. MAYbe. The next generation's got the biggest job yet, try to smooth 'em in huh?"

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Superman Returns....kinda

Warning! There are spoliers below!!

After the dismal piece of cinematic shit they had the nerve to call X3, all my faith lay in Bryan Singer (who directed the first two impeccabley crafted X-Men movies) to deliver us with Superman Returns.

Superman Returns ignores 3 & 4 and takes place after Superman 2-itself kinda sketchy, but still fun.

Superman had been gone for 5 years because scientists have found remains of Krypton floating in space. Superman takes a trip to see if anyone survived. In the meantime the world's gotten along without Superman (except that Bush happened) and Lois Lane got engaged and had a kid.

I've been following the progress of this film since I first heard Singer would direct. Ironically, Bret Rattner, the schmuck responsible for destroying any integrity X-Men had, was supposed to direct Superman. Let it also be known that Rattner didn't think the Phoenix story (the biggest story in X-Men history) had enough meat to make a movie-which is why he threw the mutant cure idea in-whereas Singer said he would have made it a two-parter.
But I suppose the chance to direct the world's greatest superhero was too irresistible to pass up.

And he does a bang up job.

However, Superman Returns is not without its flaws, and it took the keen eye of Blog Monkey to point out a few of these glaring problems.

Let me start off by saying that Singer took great care to create this movie. It's quite clear that there was a lot of love for the material and respect for the first two Superman movies with Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder-who by the way are still the king and queen of the Superman interpretations. I liked Lois & Clark’s
new approach and thought Dean Cain & Teri Hatcher were a respectable second. Haven't seen Smallville much, but what I have seen is bloody impressive.

The Good

Frank Langella was perfect as Perry White, wise, confident and even funny. He wasn't a charicature. He re-interpreted Perry White and it worked perfectly.

Sam Huntington as Jimmy Olsen was perfect. The way Olsen should be. He was the funniest thing in the movie and had great presence. He really balanced out the newsroom and was the only one sympathetic to poor Clark-who still gets treated like shit and was never missed-which is probably what Kal-El wanted.

Kevin Spacy was a great pick for Lex Luthor, but I think he could been more of a prick. His intro was probably the best intro to an antagonist I've ever seen. Ah Gertrude...Strangely enough-and I think Singer did this on purpose-when Lex was holding his 'wife' Gertrude's hand on her death bed, it seemed as though that was an old Lois Lane in bed holding a still-young & vibrant Kal-El's hand. I interpreted it as a flash into the future.

I loved how Superman's flight looked like it took a bit of concentration-notice his flight pattern when he lands...

The little touches like 'Look chief, it's a bird, it's a plane, no look it's...', the orginal Jimmy Olsen (Jack Larson) playing a bartender, Luthor bumping into Lois Lane while brushing his teeth. Great stuff.

The Bad

Not all that bad really; I loved the suit. I just thought the ‘S’ was a bit small and that the neck wasn't open enough. Other than that I thought it looked great

Yeah yeah yeah Kryptonite, enough already, something else please? one noticed that Clark and Superman were gone for the exact same time? Kal-El should have used his superbrains and made it so that Clark shows up even a couple weeks later.

The Ugly

Kal Penn! Remember ‘Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle’? Penn as Kumar was hilarious and Singer didn't even give Penn a speaking role as one of Lex's henchmen! What a waste!! The comedic element-so sorely missing, and I'm not talking campy here-could have used a little more Penn .

Singer fucked up on casting Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. Just from the commercials I could tell she was wrong for the part. Margot Kidder was bang on and although I'm not looking for clones, my preference after she dealt with Lois Lane is that she's plucky and has attitude. No disrespect to Kate Bosworth, but she was wrong for the part, much like Kirsten Dunst was wrong to play Mary Jane in Spider-man (what about Kate Winslet? Don't believe me, rent Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind)

Bosworth had no depth, didn't interest me and was way too young. It's been five years since Superman was gone people! Even Brandon Routh as Superman was too young.

Singer should have went with a comedic actress, someone with great timing and presence. Why not Janine Garofalo or better yet, a relative unknown, but someone who could excude independence and wit.

There were a bunch of silly little things that went on too.

Superman's in the hospital for weeks-Uhm...where's Clark? If I were his boss I'd have fired his ass (thanx for the observation Blog Monkey)

Superman floats up to the strato to hear all sorts of shit going down on the planet then bolts down to stop a serious situation...That would be a bank robbery where the cops are out-gunned.



Forget about the genocides happening around the planet or gang wars, two men in blue-oh, I get it- are about to be shot down. They knew the risks when they joined the force!

I would have bought the scene if Supes where floating over just his home town, but to prioritize a bank robbery over everything else going on in the world is just bad writing.

Brandon Routh. Solid, but not enough presence. And no jokes-except for the flight thing, but Reeve delivered it better. Reeve had this magic about him, Superman was even a bit cocky, aloof. Remember that interview with Lois in the first one? Holy shit!

Again, I'm not asking for a clone, in fact I'd like something a little different, instead I got plain bread, no butter (and a glass of water for dippin'!)

All in all I enjoyed the movie and will see it several more times but Singer could have taken a few more chances. Lois's kid was a bold move indeed, but in all other areas I think Singer played it a bit too safe. Let's hope a few things can be tightned up on the sequel.

They're here...

They say pain is just weakneess leaving the body.

They say confession is good for the soul.

They say never say never.

They say never wear the same underwear twcie.

Who the fuck is they?

Where do they come from?

Can we find they?

Can we kill 'em?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Ninja please....

Anyone STUPID enough to believe any chainmail on the internet derserves to get duped. Use your brains people. Why in the fuck would Microsoft or any company for that matter give away money?

Why would Visa email you saying your credit card has been cloned and is being used in Bosnia without you getting a letter and a call? Why would any governmental organization take an internet petition-without valid phone numbers, addresses and last names seriously? Why would someone say their child is missing and not leave a phone number? Why would this diplomaty from Africa call you dear friend talkin' 'bout they need to transfer millions of dollars into your account?

Ninja please,

Don't waste people's time with stupid shit.

Do your research before you too become just another statistic of the digitally moronic